A Letter To My Father...

Hola,

How goes it my lovelies? It's been a while since my last post, and I hope you've missed me... ;). I've been debating on whether to write this one however, only because it's kind of personal and I know it will make me sad. On the other hand, these are things I've carried in my heart and soul for almost forever so why not say them. I'm sure some can relate in one way or another. So here goes:

My father died on the job exactly two months and one day after I was born in the Dominican Republic. He died trying to save his uncle, and in the end they both perished. They worked in a plant where wine was made. There were huge tanks where they prepared the mixture, added fruit, chemicals, etc. The story goes that my father's uncle slipped on the ladder in the tank and fell into the mixture while carrying the chemicals he was going to add. My father went in after him to help and did not know these chemicals had fallen in. When others realized what was wrong, it was too late. They were pulled out, but they were both already gone. They both died of asphyxiation. It was a small town in the Dominican Republic where almost everybody knew each other so word spread quickly. It is said that tales of the accident reached several connecting towns, and the funerals for both were packed with people. My mother and older brother were devastated and yet, I had no idea what was going on around me. I was baptized during my father's church service so everybody knew about the little two-month old baby girl who would never know her father.

This is my father (quite handsome if I do say so myself). I carry this picture in my wallet:

So my letter to him is below...

Dear Daddy:

Although I never had the chance to meet you, I still feel like I know you; I still love you with all my heart. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish you were here on earth. How different my life and everything would have been if you had lived! I wonder if I'd call you "daddy" or "papi" in Spanish. I try to imagine what it would be like to have a conversation with you. I would love to hear what your voice sounds like, and the sound of your laughter. To see your smile - is it just like mine? How would it feel to just get a hug from my dad when I needed one? What I wouldn't give to have someone to protect and defend me, and who would always be there for me. To have someone who strongly supports me so I don't always feel like I have this weight on my shoulders. To have someone who would comfort me when I'm sad, crying or just worried about something. I've rarely had that, and I know with you that would've been unconditional and always present.

Never will I know what it's like to be "daddy's little girl." As a kid, to scrape my knee and have you kiss it and make it all better, while wiping away my tears. To have arguments with you as a teenager and feel like you were just ruining my life, without knowing how precious it was to just have had you during those years. To have you punish me and then give in when I'd give you my "puppy dog" eyes (lol, I'm really good at that). To dance with you at my sweet sixteen, to watch you fret on prom night - my first night out past curfew, to see how proud you'd be when I graduated high school, started college and my first job. I wonder how you'd react when I started dating and met my very first boyfriend... I laugh just imagining what you'd say to both of us, but especially to him. I could hear you putting the fear of God into the poor guy. What kind of wisdom would you have given me about men? Never will I know what sweet words you'd say to me when I had my first heartbreak and the ones thereafter. How would you comfort me, what advice would you give me to help me heal? Would you go in search of the guy who hurt your little girl? Ha, I'm betting you would. One of my biggest regrets is if I ever get married, I will never be able to dance with my father at my wedding. To have you give me away to my future husband. To have you look at me on that special day with so much love and awe and tell me how beautiful I look (of course I'd be wearing a dress that I designed, *smile*). Oh how I wish you were here dad!

As a grown woman, what kind of conversations would we have? Would I ever do anything to disappoint you? Would you forgive me if I did? I think you would. If I told you my dreams of starting my own business back when I was younger, would you support me and help me in every way you could? No one in my life did when I let it be known that this was what I wanted. Yet I know you would've told me to always follow my dreams; to never give up on them and most importantly, you would've helped me start. I know because I've heard countless stories about you from those who knew you. They all tell wonderful stories about what a brave and great man you were. They describe you as a man with good morals, manners and principals. You were a true gentleman. Everyone attests to how responsible, fair, hardworking, sensitive, caring, understanding and charming you were. You were always willing to lend a helping hand to anyone who was in need. You stood your ground when you knew you were right. They also said how stubborn and determined you were. So yes, I know you would have helped me to follow my dreams. You'd tell me that I could do anything I wanted and to never give up on those dreams. You would be that person who would believe in me even when I stop believing in myself. As for the business dream, I confess that I gave up... I did. I felt I couldn't do it alone, and I've never had that support from those close to me. However, I know that you'll be so proud now because I've decided to go for it this time even if I do it alone. Wherever you are dad, I know this is making you smile and you're saying "that's my baby." :)

Daddy, I wonder about so many things when it comes to you, and it makes me so sad that we never got to know each other. I miss you every single day. I really do! It hurts to know that our relationship never got a chance to flourish. We never got the chance to form that bond where it became the most beautiful, closest and trusting relationship I'd ever have. You know our family is okay as far as family goes, but I feel so alone in the midst of them. Like I don't belong, like there's always been something and someone missing to make me click with the rest of them. That something and someone is you. Nonetheless, not having you around has made me the strong woman that I am today. I've learned to take care of myself and others, to be independent and take charge. I've learned to handle whatever comes my way and somehow in the end, I always manage to get through. So perhaps, the hidden reason in growing up without my father was to make me the person I am today. Even so, I still wish you were here because I'd end up being just the same only with a little more happiness and so much more love. I know it!

Sometimes, however, I have to admit that I do get angry at you for leaving. I understand your need to help those in trouble, but why would you jump into that tank without stopping to think first. Analyze the situation and think of the consequences. But that was not you right? Your instinct was to help first and think later. You never considered that your wife, your son and your newborn baby girl at home could possibly lose you.  Were we the last thought that went through your mind on that fateful day? I get so angry sometimes, and just ask why you had to go away in such a manner and so soon. My comfort is that you died a hero. You died trying to save someone else's life so even in death you died as a brave and great man, and that makes me so proud of you.

I want you to know that I carry your picture in my wallet. It's my favorite picture of you because you look so handsome. I look at it and it's like I'm looking at myself in the mirror. We have the same sad eyes, the long eyelashes, even the stare is the same! We share the same nose and mouth and thankfully, because of your wonderful genes we're both tall and slim. Everyone in our family is forever saying how I look exactly like you. My aunt (your sister) gets this wistful look in her eyes when she looks at me. She says she just sees you. I wish I had been able to take just one picture with you (can we say Photoshop at some point?). I'm told by many that I have your personality as well, right down to liking and disliking the same things you did. I have your sense of responsibility, your stubbornness and determination, the way I care for others and that sensitivity is all from you. This is how I know that if you were here, we'd be so close. We'd get along so well, even while butting heads. Our love would be unbreakable, unconditional and forever just there. I'd be daddy's little girl!

I will always have you in my heart, in my soul and in every wish I make, it's you that I wish for. I miss you every single day, but I know dad that you're in heaven or somewhere very beautiful. You're watching over me, smiling at me and feeling extremely proud of the woman your daughter has become. I sense that you're blessing me with great things and taking care of me even from afar. I wish that I had even one chance of seeing you in person, of hearing your voice; of hugging you and telling you that I love you. I wonder if you'd ever show up in my dreams just to get a glimpse... But I live knowing that someday we may meet and that day I will finally get that hug and that smile from you and hear you say "I love you."

In the meantime, watch over me and guide me and know that your little girl loves you and misses you with all her heart and soul! The saying "the good die young" is so true. You died way before you should have dad!  You really did!

Te quiero mucho papi! Besos! <3

Until we meet Daddy. Forever yours!

Your daughter,

AnnaCris <3

Please feel free to comment or share your similar story below... #engage!

The "What If" Game .... Q&A #1

Hola,

It's time to switch things up my fashionistas!

So... If you read my intro blog, you may recall me mentioning that from time to time I'd be posting non-fashion related posts as well as play a little game called "What If"... Well my loves, the time has come for us to play! The object of the game is for me to post a question (could be fashion related or anything in general; could be something relevant or something completely ridiculous - the point is to get creative and have a little fun), I give you my answers first within my blog, and then you all get to comment yours. Fellas, you can play too. I've decided, of course, to make the first Q&A related to non-other than "fashion.' Ready? Let's play:

... "What If" ...

You were offered to start fresh, somewhere new and faraway, you were handed some cash, airline tickets and the name of your destination. The catch... you can only take five articles of clothing (including shoes and/or accessories) and make it work. What would you choose and why?

AnnaCris: Dark (Indigo) Jeans, White T-Shirt, Black Long Sleeved Blouse, Neutral Colored Heels, Large Sunglasses.

Indigo Jeans: Jeans are a staple and go with everything. Plus, like I said in my latest blog, they are acceptable in the business world. I chose indigo because you can wash them plenty of times before they lose their beautiful color. I'd make them work! ;)

White T-Shirt: A must-have, extremely hip and versatile. Plus, what's more comfortable than a great fitting t-shirt! You can add accessories to play it up, wear it under a blazer/blouse or add it to any outfit for a more casual look.

Black Long Sleeved Blouse: Perfect for any business meetings that may arise, but also for a dinner date. Never know who I'll meet in this faraway destination so again, I'd make it work! ;)

Neutral Colored Heels: This color is a perfect match for any outfit. Plus, heels go from business to pleasure at the snap of a finger. Until I can get my hands on a new pair of shoes in this faraway land, neutral it is.

Large Sunglasses: Sexy, cool, attitude, stylish, incognito, hip and the best accessory!

So these are my choices. The business woman in me planned ahead because you all know I'd establish my fashion empire in this new and wonderful place *wink*. Now go ahead and play. Let me know what you would choose and why. Your answers do not have to be as long as mine. I just wanted to set the example. So join the game, have some fun and get creative! This could get very interesting... Go! #engage!

End Game. Your Turn!

Gracias,

AnnaCris <3

PS: Go on sexy ladies and gents don't just read, comment your answers! :)

All Biz or ...A Touch Of Fabulous?

Hola,

We meet again my fashionistas!

So with this post, I'd like to take a different route if I may. Let me begin with a question: Do you agree that the traditional office "business attire" has become less strict in today's society? If your answer is yes, then humor me and continue reading. If your answer is no or maybe, humor me anyway and please continue reading! Plus, I've added some really cute photos that you'll want see... :)

I'd like to share a little story with you first:

When I reached my senior year in high school, I had already accumulated most of my credits to graduate so during my first semester I was able to enroll in the co-op program where counselors worked as your recruiter, and placed you in corporate jobs so you could earn extra credit and some money. One of my placements was at a large reinsurance company as a part-time administrative assistant. Of course, still in high school, my fashion tastes were the usual teenage choices of jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, etc. The most casual but super hip attire, if I did say so myself ;). Needless to say, I had a rude awakening and quite a lot of shopping to do if I wanted to "fit in" with the strict dress code required at this company. Oh how I suffered having to wear knee length skirts, pantyhose *gasp*, dress blouses and the basic traditional suits! I felt mortified that any of my friends would see me (a very important issue to a kid in school). So every day I'd pack my "work clothes" then I'd go to school looking super cool and once I arrived at the office, I'd head straight to the rest room and changed into my office attire. Aside from the dress code, I loved the office and the friends I made, plus the work was pretty cool. I must have done something right because I graduated that June with a permanent part-time position at this company. Not bad! I endured the strict dress code for a few years, always trying to add my own personal touch to my outfits, and almost always got away with it. My next job was at an advertising agency where I had free reign of whatever I wanted to wear. No dress code whatsoever. I could wear whatever I wanted which almost always included a pair of jeans. During the summer, I'd wear fun dresses, capris and t-shirts. If I wanted to, I could wear sneakers and there was no issue. I was in complete heaven! What a difference in industries.

Now that I've told you a tiny bit about my story, it should explain my choice in blog this week. I would love to discuss and/or get your feedback on the different requirements of office attire in today's work environment. My own opinion is that these strict dress codes have definitely loosened up throughout the years. Let me tell you why...

First, I believe that the incorporation of "Casual Fridays" had a huge impact on how traditional office attire began to change. Thank you for that "Casual Fridays!" I will forever love you! The birth of the casual Friday led to the beginning of "business casual" for the remaining four days of the week. So again, thank you "Casual Fridays!"

I'd also like to believe that those industries that enforced a strict traditional wardrobe have come to realize that fashion is very important for today's woman. Also, factor in that more women are in leadership roles so they can very well call the shots. Today's woman wants to look professional but fabulous when we walk out of our homes each morning, not dreary and boring. We want to add a spark, our own sense of style to our work wardrobe that isn't set in one way: a traditional suit, pantyhose and plain pumps. Today's woman wants to add color, diversity, appeal and fun to her outfits. A sexy skirt with strappy high heeled sandals in the summer or fabulous boots in the winter, a well-tailored pant with a great blouse or sweater, a fabulous wrap dress, a red power suit with the sexiest stilettos, a pretty sundress in the summer with a cardigan and cute flat sandals, you get my drift... Even on a casual Friday, you can always wear a great pair of jeans and spice them up with sexy heels and a very cute top. Jeans have become a staple in every woman's wardrobe and if worn correctly, are just as good for the office. It's definitely a sign of the times.

This is not to say that all offices are down with the business casual wardrobe. The finance industry is one area that may still require a suit and tie for men, and women usually go with a skirt, blouse and blazer. Even so, I feel like choices are more open to discussion here as well. Do you agree or disagree?

With this being said, check out these photos below that I grabbed from one of my boards on Pinterest for some ideas on how today's woman can dress for the office looking professional but also fabulous, fun and sexy. You can also click this link to see my board directly on my Pinterest account: http://pinterest.com/crisanna6/for-the-office/ :

  

Aren't these absolutely lovely? I honestly want each outfit for myself. Those boots and those red shoes - I want ;)! ...But back to our topic, each of these outfits offers up an idea for spring/summer and fall/winter, and each is completely wearable at the office. For the sleeveless dresses, if you feel more comfortable adding a blazer or cardigan, go right ahead.

A note for my fashionistas who prefer not to topple over in 5+ inch heels, you can always pair your outfit with lower heeled shoes, kitten heels or a very cute pair of flats. It's all about being comfortable as well. Today's woman wants it all... They want to look spectacular but also have a sense of comfort. Most especially if you live in fast-paced cities where public transportation is a must. There are always great options. Play with your choices until you find the right look. 

Although all these photos are of skirts and dresses, please keep in mind that dress pants are also a great choice for the office. They can be plain or striped, dark colors or bright, paired with a great blouse, a t-shirt underneath a blazer (this look is also great with a skirt) or with a lovely sweater for the colder months. Nowadays, women have so much more freedom in how they can dress for work. Take advantage of it and go for it. By now, you all already know my motto: have fun and find what works for you.

So what do you think? Do you agree that the strict dress code has changed in almost all industries that preferred the traditional suit? Do you feel that some industries still enforce it and if so, which ones? I would love to hear your stories. How do you dress for work? How do you find the balance between dressing professional but also fabulous and fun? Share your ideas with your fellow fashionistas and comment below. Go... #engage!

Until our next encounter my loves!

Gracias,

AnnaCris <3